Motherhood Life Hack 2: Make Friends

I know. Making friends with other mothers is such a no-brainer. And yet, somehow, we forget the importance of developing good relationships. This is the basis of Motherhood Life Hack 2.

Take it from me. Friends make soo much difference. I cannot count the number of times, with a fully child-centred life, that I value going to a friend’s house, or someone coming to mine. Honestly, friends are life savers.

“He who finds a friend finds a treasure.”

 ITALIAN PROVERB

Take this quick quiz for more about this life hack:

For this life hack, take some time to assess where you are in your friendship life.

• Being totally honest, do you have any girlfriends who have got your back?
• Are there good friendships in your life you have let lapse, because you are so busy with kids? Or work? Or — ? [fill the blank]
• Do you have people in your life who drain you, instead of building you up?
• How long is it since you really felt connected with a group of friends? [Ahem!] Was that back at work, or in school?
• Do you feel like you know how to make a good friend?
• Is there an absence of good women in your life?
• How many of your “friends” on social media do you connect with physically?

It’s interesting isn’t it? Finding time to do friendships takes, well ummm, it takes time doesn’t it?

And how do we mothers do that when we are often so time poor?

The trouble with “making friends”.

Like any life hack, it’s worth having a think about it for a mo’.

1. THE TIME-FACTOR Friendships don’t just happen. You must be pro-active about developing a friendship. It’s so important to invest the time and energy. But that’s just it – you invest, and you get a return.
2. GIVING OUT COSTS As mothers, we all get so caught up in running the fam, not to mention helping our little ones make friends. And then, we easily forget to spend time developing our own friendships!
3. PEOPLE ARE ON THE MOVE Everyone is very mobile in this global village. You wake up one day, and either you have moved to another place. Or your friend is gone! What the heck is that about? It’s so normal to have to begin again, with new friends.
4. BAD EGGS In all honesty there are women who are a negative influence on your life. If you come away from anyone feeling beaten up and bruised, (figuratively or even literally) it’s time to make that person scarce in your life. You have enough to think about without having to pick yourself up after each interaction.
5. YOUR FOCUS Being a mother can be incredibly isolating. We can be so committed to nurturing, that there is no more time for work friends. Or school friends. Or even life-long friends! But let me remind you: The isolation stops with you. Half the time it’s just showing up that makes the difference. This is a life-saving life hack!

Ideas to connect with like-minded women

1. Ask someone you see, but don’t know well, for a coffee. Talk about life – your life, her life. If you want to go again, then do. If she seems a bad fit for you, there’s no need to follow up.
2. Pray. Is God interested in your friendship dilemmas? Well, YES! Not only does he want to be your friend, he knows the value of having close friends.
3. Ask God to help you find a friend.

Some encouragement from the Bible for you:

I will talk to the Father, and he’ll provide you another Friend so that you will always have someone with you. This Friend is the Spirit of Truth.

JOHN 14:16 (MSG)

Jesus said of his disciples: “I call you my most intimate friends”

JOHN 15:15 (TPT)

Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family, and do not go to your relative’s house when disaster strikes you— better a neighbour nearby than a relative far away.

PROV 27:10 (NIV)

Life Hack 2: Taking Action

• If you struggle to make good friends with anyone in your networks, why not use social media? Look for someone in your city who seems to have similar interests, and see if there are any mutual friends who can introduce you.
• Plan a girls’ night in, and ask a few other mothers. Yes, they (and you) will need to organise babysitting. But hey, why not? Get some pizza. Watch a good movie. Have a good chat about some worthwhile things.
• Organize a play-date with a couple of the kid’s friends and make sure the mothers know you are asking them too. Chaotic? Absolutely! Fun? You betcha!